Powerless

Tonight in my small group we're going to the Gospel Mission to hang out with the people staying there who have no homes. I wasn't sure I was going to be able to go tonight. I was out taking a break during work when I got a call on my cell phone from Carman. Our electricity had been turned off. I hadn't even noticed that I had a shut off notice. In my inbox I'd seen a bill for $87 but I figured that wasn't too much - little did I know that was the minimum amount required to keep my service on. Thank God I just did a little freelance work after not doing any for a long time. It cost $307 to have the power turned back on.

I left work an hour early. For one thing I was crying, and I never cry at work. For another thing, I didn't want to leave Carman sitting there all by himself with no electricity or heat. When I started driving home, the tears just came pouring out again. What is it about having one of my utilities turned off that makes me feel so helpless and so alone? When I walked in the door I started crying again, and my wonderful 15-year-old son just said, "I think you need a hug," and came right over to the couch and gave me one.

I was so, so lucky that Consumers came within an hour or so and turned my power back on. Although I was getting a lot more cleaning done than normal without my computer, and with all that anxiety churning through my veins, it was such a relief to see lights turn on, and hear the furnace kick in.

Afterwards I realized two things. One, I never prayed about this. I just cried. I didn't reach out to God at all. I thought about praying, but I didn't do it. I just felt bereft instead. Two, it doesn't escape me that I had my power turned off the very day I am to go to a homeless shelter to hang out with the people there. Maybe that was the fasting I was supposed to do today - fasting from electricity and heat.

I hope next time (will there be a next time?), I remember to call out to God.