I haven't blogged much recently, haven't visited or posted at the Ooze too much either. The thing is, I realize how scattered my brain is. My problem in my life hasn't been not being able to figure out what I want to do - my problem is wanting to do too much. This has carried over from my personal/freelance work to my work with Threads as well. What causes me some dismay is that I see others online who have been focused and thrive financially from their small businesses, while I still struggle quite a bit in my chaotic world. I have no idea exactly what direction I'm going yet, and there are a couple collaborations that are on the table.
It was interesting that Lee talked to me before church yesterday and said that he'd like to meet with me soon. He wonders exactly what I feel drawn to be most involved in. He said that there are 20 different things that I can do, but that it's not possible for me to do all of it. Funny how my church life is a direct reflection of my freelance life! It's hard for me not to want to do 20 different things when I see a need for those to be done...
If I had a financially secure husband and could quit working I think I could fit everything in! That seems like a poor reason to wish for a husband, though. :)
So in the last three days I have met with someone about worship ideas for our church's Creative Collaborative team, written an estimate for web site work for a local business, offered to update someone's resume, created a graphic for a Christian business women's forum, edited doctoral articles for my daughter's class assignments, made a graduation gift, assembled an experiential worship element and delivered it to church, been studying passive income streams and Internet marketing, washed my furnace filters, cleaned the car, went grocery shopping, mowed the lawn, washed a bazillion dishes (no dishwasher). The laundry and housecleaning are still woefully untouched.
I've been going in a million directions...I wish God would lock me down and point me to one. I feel like a Jack of All Trades, master of none - and that's not a very good feeling. And I really need to focus on something that will bring a more steady stream of income. It would be so nice not to be stressed about paying the bills all the time.
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4 comments:
Ahh, hello my good frined. Giving your gift is the greatest thing you can do for others, how is it that it sometimes leaves the creative ones feeling amiss?
Could there be something else at work? Could the creative works be at war with the "other things?" Maybe the "other things" have been the norm and now that they are no longer being given top billing somewhere inside there is a shift taking place?
I encourage you to focus on the fact that you are a precious expression of God's beauty and masterful design. What ever you sow on earth, you will reap on earth and like wise in Heaven.
May you walk in the shalom of God even though it seems like you are in a fog. Know that you join the ancient children who marveled at this God who vistited them in the "fog" at the foot of the mountain.
Michael, your words keep making me cry. In a good way. In a heart/God connecting way. Times are tough right now financially, and some of the toughness comes from feeling worn down by the chronicness of this through the years. And yet I have to wonder if this is a special gift from God and the way he draws me nearer to him.
These words are so powerful - "I encourage you to focus on the fact that you are a precious expression of God's beauty and masterful design." I have never thought of myself as a precious expression...now I must share those with others I know who will be blessed by them!
Michael, my deep thanks.
M@...thanks so much for all that you said. I'm going to reply in email, but didn't want this to sit here unacknowledged! How could I not thank you for that "amazing woman" comment...it's an exaggeration, but blessed my day with a smile. Thank you!
Yes. welcome to my life. a desire for focus in a scattered mind.
Meditation would help a bit Anne. Really. Or silent prayer.
But before you do it, here's the tricky part: you have to know beforehand that you're gonna be scattered even while in prayer. So that you don't get frustrated.
So it's like therapy. Going there to sit still, simply because if you don't sit there... it's gonna be worse.
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