I just woke up from a bad dream. I have such a pounding headache now. Carman kept needing to be rescued, including pulling him up on a moving train when he lost his footing. I wonder if it's because I'm a single parent that I have so many dreams of rescuing or looking out for others?

One time recently I was praying in my dream, and I knew God was around. He wasn't in this dream, when Carman was about to be crushed by a train. But two of my friends were there, who both jumped in to help me. Both of them are Atheists.

Recently a Christian friend of mine let me down, and one of these Atheist friends was very good to me. Maybe I trust that my Atheist friend would be there for me in dire straits, but not the Christ follower. At its best that is ironic, at its worst it is sad indeed.



I catch glimpses of the outside world through the windows at work.

White snow on grey branches, white sky with silvered clouds. There comes a time when the beauty of this winter world's purity is lost in me, and only the oppressive lack of life and color remains. I have to grasp on to glimpses of sunshine and blue skies, drink in the grace of light on a day that aches with cold.

My spirit struggles in the bleakness of these months, and all I can do is keep exercising my soul to see all the blessings in the quiet time of winter.


God & Hats

It doesn't really seem as though God would have anything to do with me buying a hat today. (Two hats actually. One a grey-green with these lovely flowers...but I digress.)

It was a nothing-degree day outside but the sun was brilliant. Not being the recipients of much sunshine here in Kalamazoo, that alone is note-worthy. Some women may have considered it just a fun thing to do - meeting friends, buying lovely hats, having coffee together on a Saturday morning. But I knew it was something exquisite and precious.

Sharing life with friends. Laughing at ridiculous looking chapeaus perched on our heads. Scones and coffee. God has so blessed me. I used to stay too hidden away from everyone, alone all weekend, working too much, isolating myself. And so now each time I live in relationship with others I am filled with such joy and a profound sense of what a gift it all is.

People I love. People who love me. How could I not see God in that?