29.3.06

Regretting my assholic self

I've been an asshole to myself lately. How's that for real? Lost 20 pounds last year, probably gained 30 since. I have been indulging in self-loathing, and also trying to get a spiritual handle on the fact that I have to have mind/body/spirit in more harmony. Right now the flesh is outracing the spirit. But, I just read a quote referencing Anne Lamott's book, Operating Instructions.

"You don't have that kind of time," spoken by Anne Lamott's dear friend, terminally ill with cancer at the time, when Lamott asked her if she thought the outfit she was trying on made her look fat.

I think I'll quit being an asshole to myself. I think Anne Lamott's friend, dying, knew exactly what was what.

7 comments:

gerbmom said...

I hear ya Anne. Lost 40 lbs myself a year and a half ago, and in the last 3 months put 25 of it back on. I am so angry with myself. I realize there has been a lot going on in my life - a lot of messiness, a lot of pain, a lot of trying to reconcile body, soul and spirit. Of trying to deconstruct and reconstruct. The stress has gotten to me. But I also have to realize the meds haven't helped. Instead of being kind to myself I berate myself and then I eat more.... which, yep, leads to self loathing.
I just feel so out of synch lately and not so connected spiritually.I guess I'm just trying to do too much on my own. It's tough. But like you, I guess I need to quit beating up on myself and be still, accept me, turn over the driving to God and get back on the right track.
Guess we'd both better be praying for each other eh?

xoxox

lydia said...

Wish I could help, Anne. :)

wilsford said...

my answer to nearly every concern: yoga.

and, when choosing to abstain from certain foods 'i take good care of my body.'

i am learning to practice self love. yes, i know that goes against what we are taught...embrace the greatness of Anne!

anne said...

Hey, what great comments! Thank you. I've been a bit sick the last two days, and it's a good reminder about so many things. Slowly down, taking care of myself, appreciating those who care about me - care about me whether I'm chubby or slim - fancy that. :)

Yes, I do think self-love is important, and that we truly can't love others if we find ourselves not worthy or deserving of love as well. Meanwhile, I hope to give some more thought and prayer to the mind/body/spirit harmony thing...I think there's a piece I'm missing that I'll find important when/if I finally wrap my mind around it. Thanks for all the caring, and yes, Karen - I'll be wrapping a blanket of prayers around us both!

wilsford said...

i just finished Deepak Chopra's book, Quantum Healing a few weeks ago. It is about the connection between mind, body and spirit.

You might find it helpful.

anne said...

Ann, thank you! I will certainly check out Chopra's book.

dion said...

Yes, we don't have the time to do anything that involves being an asshole to ourselves or anyone.

And yes, health is a precious gift. I don't know why some have it and some don't... but to have it and not care for it is not a good idea.

Now, the real challenge is to create an asociation between eating well and feeling great.

Anyways, you know you're very cool and shouldn't be doing such things as not loving yourself. What do you think your God thinks of you mistreating yourself? ; )

love,

G.