Gagging on Accountability

I was the voice of dissention in my small group Wednesday night when we reviewed a new covenant handed out to all the groups. This was the paragraph that caused discord within me:

"ACCOUNTABILITY: We agree to let the members of the group hold us accountable to the commitments which each of us make in whatever loving ways we decide."

The word accountability alone sticks in my craw. No doubt in prayerful musing later on that this is probably a trigger from my own past. There was a lot of unlovingness in my relationship with my mother, and so I'm viewing this through a distorted lens.
Still...how did this become such an acceptable term within the world of Christ followers? I've researched and found an article that explains scripturally how this accountability thing all fits in. I've listened to my small group members explain that this means a close relationship with someone who is not there to berate you, but to check in with you and see how you're doing. I understand their viewpoint.

Still...if I am embracing this life in Christ, if I am trying to stay as much as possible in God's presence and let Spirit transform me, shouldn't there be a better word, a better phrase for walking alongside me as a fellow follower of Jesus of Nazareth than "accountability"?

In the world out there, it's often a harsh word. "Someone's going to be held accountable for this!"

From webster.com:

Entry Word: accountable
Function: adjective
Text: being the one who must meet an obligation or suffer the consequences for failing to do so (the owner was held accountable for his dog's biting of the child) -- see RESPONSIBLE

I understand all the reasoning and the loving explanations for this word. But I don't have to like it.

The long and winding road

I dreamt last night of a curved, country road in Autumn. In my sleep the phrase "empty road" kept echoing in my mind, and for some reason I thought it was important that I remember that this wasn't a path of peaceful solitude, but one bereft of that...

It dawns on me as I write this, that the image I saw was an avatar of a young woman from the Ooze who has been struggling with depression. Perhaps I was being reminded to give more love and friendship to one whose road is empty.

Gentle Rain

God woke me up at 5am on a Wednesday morning, and I felt nudged to pray for my pastor who is handling the accidental cancellation of his medical insurance, maintenance chemo treatments, a week in a campground with his family between moving to a new house, and various and sundry pastoral responsibilities.

Dear Father,
In the crazy, busy, stressful
Torrents of churning life,
In the storming downpours,
May you be a gentle rain,
A calming brook,
A deep and quiet river within us.
May your voice be a summer’s breeze,
A gentle lapping of waves
on the shores of our soul.
May you fill our hearts with peace
Like the whisper of wind
Caressing the meadow grass,
Like the cricket’s song welcoming twilight.
Amen.

In Memory

My sister and I flew down to Florida when my mother died two years ago. One day looking through her old photo albums I ran across this picture of her.

Michigan State College Graduation - 26 July 1946
She died 57 years later to the day.

Rest in peace, my mother.

Masterpiece

My writing/reading for our 7/23 gathering, based on Ephesians 2:10:
"For we are God's masterpiece."

Somehow we manage to soil
With our thoughts
The canvas of our soul.
Forgetfully, unknowingly
We add pigments,
Painting ourselves with fear,
Coating a layer of hopelessness,
Sketching ourselves with the mud of the world.

Wash our soul-canvas, Lord,
Soak us in your grace.
Let us feel each brush stroke of
Your love upon our hearts.
Return us, replenish us,
Restore us, remind us
That we are your workmanship,
Your artistry,
Your cherished ones.
Beloved, we are your masterpiece.

God Breath

God breath
brush my cheek
with your kiss,
bend the branches
of my soul,
dance into my heart
your God wind.
Rush in, rush in.

God flame
stir the embers
of my spirit,
illumine me
with love,
sear my heart
with passion.
Burn deep, burn deep.

God breath,
be in me a swirling tempest.
God flame,
be in me a roaring fire.
Consume me, O consume me,
I pray.

Hunger at a Picnic

I think we had the bad luck of picking the hottest day of the year for our church picnic recently. Kelly, my Floridian daughter, was home visiting for a week, and she came with Carman and me to share a meal with my church family after our Sunday service. I was busy doing my usual graphic artist thing by taking pictures for our church web site. I was also trying to pay attention to those who seemed kind of off by themselves. Jessica sat alone at a table most of the time I was there, and I told her that I wanted to talk to her soon, as we haven't had a lot of conversation lately. And I know her life has been so hard.

But it wasn't until a couple days later that I realized how alone my daughter felt when we were there. I can see that in this picture I quickly shot of her. She's almost giving me a polite smile, but I caught her in real mode.

I felt sad when she told me later that she tried to engage people by smiling and making eye contact, and it didn't work. I felt sad when she told me that one young woman made kind of a rude comment to something she said. Lee had just given a spiritual talk about being God-saturated, and here we were isolating ourselves from others. How I wish our mutual faith in Christ would transform us all into family that reaches out and embraces others with the passion that early Christ followers must have felt, or the passion that Christians who worshiped in countries where our faith was forbidden must have had.

I tried to think of a practical solution from event planning experience, but that wasn't any good. The only thing I could do was write this prayer:

Dear Father

We ask you to bless this food
And to bless those without enough sustenance,
Whether they need nourishment for their bodies,
or the bread of friendship for their souls.

We thank you for this chance to share a meal together.
We pray that you will open our hearts and remind us that
We are all your children and all family.
Coax us to share a smile with a stranger.
Encourage us to say a kind word.
Nudge us to strike up a conversation with someone
We’ve never talked to before.

Help us this day to share our food and our selves,
As your Son did with so many of us, at so many tables.

Amen