18.1.06

Oh. My.

Sitting in my living room, the television murmuring in the background, holding A Severe Mercy in my lap. "Loved it! Thanks for sharing!" written in the oval of the little Victorian post-it note of yellow roses and lilacs. Mary, whom I haven't met, sent me her copy of A Grief Observed, a fitting loan, two books by two friends. For a moment as I scanned the pages of my own book, sought out familiar words, anticipated Lewis waiting quietly on the table, I had a sudden thought: "I just don't want to think about God anymore. I'm just tired of thinking about God." Before I could even be shocked at myself for thinking such a thing, I was suddenly swept up in his presence, the substance of Love a cloud sliding over my shoulders and wrapping me into an embrace. Oh my.

The Gap
Did Jesus live? And did he really say
The burning words that banish mortal fear?
And are they true? Just this is central, here
The Church must stand or fall. It's Christ we weigh.

All else is off the point: the Flood, the Day
Of Eden, or the Virgin Birth - Have done!
The Question is, did God send us the Son
Incarnate crying Love! Love is the Way!

Between the probable and proved there yawns
A gap. Afraid to jump, we stand absurd,
Then see behind us sink the ground and, worse,
Our very standpoint crumbling. Desperate dawns
Our only hope: to leap into the Word
That opens up the shuttered universe.

Sheldon VanAuken, A Severe Mercy

3 comments:

kingsjoy said...

Really like that poem.

It is very similar to thoughts that were spinning my wheels just this morning.

And I do that too...try to take a break from thinking about God. Wonder why?

BTW, A Grief Observed is a good read, I finished it a few months ago.

Anne said...

I wish I'd read A Grief Observed when I was young and lost my dad. That's the most devastating loss I've had so far, and some of Lewis' symptoms and reactions were so identical to what I went through; it would have been comforting to know I wasn't alone.

As far taking a break from God - perhaps it's from when I put him too much in a box. TRY to feel him, TRY to think about him, instead of simply living and seeing him in all the nooks and crannies of life he appears in.

Anonymous said...

I love the book A Severe Mercy. Thanks for reminding me of that beautiful read. Oh, and by the way, in reference to a more recent entry of yours, you are beloved....more than you'll ever know.